The Struggle Is Real...

As we get closer to starting the Bruno Mars Tour, I’ve been feeling more and more anxious and the sickly feeling in my stomach has been getting worse as each day passes by.

You may be asking yourself,

"why on earth does he feel like that?"

“He’s about to go on tour, opening up for one of the best live performers on the 21st century!”

Well here it is; here’s the reason. This tour is going to be a long one. As a husband and a dad, leaving home is always hard but it’s always harder when it’s for long periods of time.

I love music and I have the dream job so of course I’m looking forward to it and to all of the amazing experiences that will come with it. I feel so blessed that I get to play the drums with a generational talent and that I’m so musically fulfilled by the music that I get to play but I just can’t shake that feeling… The feeling that I’m leaving my family and won’t see them for such a long time and that I am not doing my job as a husband and dad.

When I see how hard my children cry when I leave and how

it seems to tear a piece of their hearts every time they see me leave,

pulling my suitcases down the drive, I ask myself if I’m doing the right thing. It’s heartbreaking.

I know that I’m providing for them and that I’m able to show them that they can use their gifts, talents and ideas to make a living and that if they work hard, they can make something of themselves. After all I did… BUT, the dad in me really feels torn every time I leave.

I think about the sense of security my wife has when I’m in the house, how I do the dirty jobs like taking the bins out, weeding the garden, washing the car, cutting hedges and building whatever needs to be built for the house / garden and most of all, lightening the load with the kids. Leaving for long periods definitely makes me feel like I’m not doing a good job as a husband.

I think about the fact that every time i come home from being away for a while that there are extra grey hairs on my parents head and how they hug that extra bit tighter and longer every time i prepare to leave or that my siblings have been going through tough times that they didn't want to stress me out with while i was away so the didn't tell me so i won't worry. It oftens feels like the ones who pay the biggest price are the ones we love the most.

It’s funny because I see the messages from you all and sometimes you don’t know how much of an impact it makes when someone has come to a show and then sends a message saying how inspired they were by it or how much the music healed them etc. When I’m battling with missing home, sometimes those messages really help

because at least I’m reminded that what I’m doing is purposeful, making an impact, which in turn means that my sacrifice isn’t in vain.

I share this, not for sympathy. I literally have the best job in the world. I’m very blessed. I share this to show the other side of the story or the perspective from the other side of the stage as for a lot you, you will come to a show and then it’s over, where for us, it’s on to the next one and I guess not much thought goes into what it takes to be present, in the moment and deliver on stage with passion and love when you really just want to give your family a hug.

For most of us musicians, we aren’t the artist and we are there to serve the vision of an artist. We know that the people in the crowd aren’t there for us, but rather for the artist and that’s fine but I hope that whether you go and see a trio on tour in a small jazz club or an artist in an arena with 15 musicians on stage that while you see the smiles, laughter and fun that happens on stage, when the lights go out and it’s time to get back on the tour bus, it’s not always easy when you’re missing the ones you love.

The Struggle Is Real!

Nice one guys.

- Matt